Almost....Christmas!!!

Friends and Family, close and safe.
Laughter and good food.
Time to enjoy the special moments.
The year comes to an end.
I know I misspent mine.
I let some closeness fade.
But things will be wonderful.
You’ll see.
I wish the best to all.
Smiles with sparkling eyes.
Muffled laughter mix with
Little Dreams.
And I hope everyone remembers
That everyday we have a choice
To relive the past, worries and wrongs
Or to shine in the Now,
Like shameless sky stars.
Charging into the future
That we make to meet.
Merry times.

Winter is Here. aka Great Ass

Summer has left. The pleasurable heat touch of the sun. The long legs in little short on Skin Garden road. The sand. The sights. Now is ice and cool winds.
I wonder if this is symbolic or something, because I am feeling more like that is what is happening to my wandering ways. Those times leaving, and in their stead an urge to be warm against the cold. To cuddle and rest, finally. To, well, relax. Or try to.
Maybe. Maybe. But, in the same way ice leaves again and snow melts, so fades these quiet moments. Or they have in the past. It would be interesting to see what life is like in contentment.
So much beauty in a sexy smile.

Dragon

The trailing heat of last nights dreams still play on my imagination.
Shadows of the past came to dance and tease, reminding me that not all is here.
Not all is now.
The fantastical has always held a meaningful draw in the near woken wonders.
Thoughts being stronger. Short waves in thunderous storm cast clamor.
Moving chances.
Staggering hopes.
Wiggling crushes.
Slamdanced love.
I just can’t really see it all.
But that doesn’t stop the looking.

Part of the Problem or Part of the Solution. Choose.

Caring has its own true and simple magic.
Overflowing with the surprising release
Of pent up tension, strain, and disgrace
In your hidden corners of thoughts and heart
When you try to help another’s tears
Fall softer.
Yet there are still other tears
I turn away from.
Right or wrong, that is cold.
I just won’t fake hoping.
I have turned away from
Smiles, too.
Which is strange, and one of the many
Things I just don’t understand.
I know a few things.
And I see them stretch far into Time.
Endless truths, tumbling in the night.
I wish I could make things
Good.

Thoughts on a Sunday

OK
Big bad world out there didn’t get me this time.
Simple fun times and entertaining nothingness.
I have a creative itch that I am just not scratching.
Y’ know?
Can’t quite reach it.
So I am gonna keep on trying.
Even if it never gets got.
All the Cave is a stage. And each of us must Roll his part.


A sad Little Thing. Wish things had been better.
Funny, as that would probably make my view brighter.
Fucked up to say. Worse to feel.
Different good and bad for different folk.
I like being alone or being tired.
Others like noisy crowds.
I have troubles with buying milk.
Really.
Messsssssssed Up!


So, we all walk our own way, to nearly the same place
And we call it life.
As long as I get to listen to interesting sounds
And touch some Pleasures
Now and Then
Everything should end up about
OK

What can You say?

Really.

Those Eyes...

The Wrong can draw and tease.
Temptations understood.
Succulent sin.
I feel violent.
Not in an angry way.
Just sort of Ready.
Which, of course, I’m not.
Not the tough guy,
Though I sometimes play one
On TV.
This urge is not just for
Roughness.
But more to make things
Vibrant.
The way they are when
The situation is not safe
When the comfort level is gone
You have to react to changes.
Bad times.
Bad girls.
Bring ‘em on!

Take the All of It

Smiles break and tears dry up.
Too bad life can’t be all giggles.
Then again, maybe it is the rough spots
Making us tight and sad
That is the steady slow bass to our Song.
A friend cried today.
That happens more than I like.
Both this friend crying,
And crying done by friends.
I want to let them all know these are
The good times.
There are real sorrows out there.
Bloody, cruel, vile and Brutal.
Compared to that
My problems are sort of
Blessings.
So, I wait and I think.
I know all is good,
Getting better, too.
But how to share this certainty?

We hopefully will never know, and We can Never Forget.

These mist covered mountains
Are a home now for me
But my home is the lowlands
And always will be
Some day you’ll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you’ll no longer burn
To be brothers in arms

Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I’ve watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

There’s so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones

Now the suns gone to hell
And the moons riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it’s written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
Were fools to make war
On our brothers in arms

New from Old

Beauty.
It doesn’t fade, it can’t leave.
It always tears. Burns.
Swollen built up torn requiem-esque
Crumbled and burnt bits of lost hearted
Faded knowledge poetry failing
To encompass the little things and
All that jazz.
That beat. I hear it and feel it.
That tickle, that dare.
Fun is just right there.
All its special oblivion.
With its comforting indifference.
I found out that I am not as smart
As I thought I was.
I am not as lucky
Or as fortunate
Or even as Cool.
And that is fine.
That is good.
As long as it is real.
I just want to see reality.
Breaking like a sunset.
And try to smile at those I love.
While forgetting the things
Which never really
Mattered.
Now, if you will excuse me,
I think I have some pressing matters
At hand.
I have to welcome the Future.
Congratulations, sexy.

Beware of Diamond-Eyed Dwarves.

“Through the wasted lands you have traveled, and now stand before the lost Tower of the Fey Lords. You know the vile cult of Zygoth performs sinister works in the ancient dungeons below to awaken the horrid Gilliock. There is no time to waste or to rest. With grim determination your band readies themselves to delve the dangers below.”
Roll initiative.
Wow!
Are you as excited as I am?!
Today, Saturday, November the 3rd, is World Wide Dungeons and Dragons Day.
In basements and game shops all across the globe, people will meet, armed with lucky dice, beloved PC Sheets, munchies and the shared experience of stepping into another land. Adventure and Imagination will fill their minds with fantastical vistas to explore and challenges to overcome. Then all hell will break loose!
I started playing a Lonnnnnng time ago. 27 years. That is a hell of a lot of Attack Rolls!
It is like push-ups for the Brain, mixed with the best action movies or fantasy books, mixed with joking around with your buddies, mixed with crack. Hee hee.

As I DM I have had the pleasure of having some amazing players over the decades;
Mike (What can I say? Loves and plays the game like no other I have seen)
Dev (There at the start. Can still Roll with the best of them.)
Gary (Two Handed swords, Sneak Attack dice, and gaming around the world!)
Bud (You can never really guess just what he’ll do in any situation…)
Chris (Hope the Dice roll lucky up there in the Big Game in the Sky, missed friend)
Neil (I think he just loves to kill everything. Especially Hooter’s characters!)
Hooter (He dreams so big that even his PCs couldn’t believe it!)
Rob (You just can’t get him to give up. Ever.)
Matt (“Lizard men…” Still willing to mix it up with the Monsters!)
Jon (Gung-ho to play every time. Still! Got to tip my hat to him)
Hib (All he ever needed was a whispering sword and he’d find loads of trouble)
Tarso (Seems to always know what I’m going to do. Stopped us from laughing at bards)
Corey (Used to be a jock. Now cross-classed Jock-Gamer! Always ready to Roll!)
Ick (heheheh. I’ll sum it up with Zug Zug!! Positivity and curiosity)
Gump (Old school. Will tell you stories of pre-THACO and Henchmen galore!)
Chappy (Walked right in and kicked ass with his WoW training!)
Potter (Back in the day and to the present, always has been a gamer!)
Dave (Another guy that thinks way outside the box, and so is always a surprise)
Clarkie (has almost a little too much fun sometimes. Ha ha! Wish he could play more)
Luca (Gamer to be! Already has his own dice!)
Melanie (Maybe not the best tactical gamer, but loads of enthusiasm. And, well, cute!)
Scotty (Kicked ass, either side of the DM screen, and wielded the Hammer of Smashy)
Eddy (A while back, deep into the Dice. Some great drawn out fights and stories.)
Pepe (heheheh “I kill you”. Don’t let this guy buy drinks at a tavern. Trust me.)
Mike (the other one. Francis. Got me into the Game. Well, something like it!)
Jeff (So many downloads and so many ideas. Join or Die? He joined.)

There have also been, rumored or authenticated, a bunch of celebrity gamers noted over the years. It is funny to think of, say, Mike Myers or Vin Diesel throwing away that d20 that has failed one too many times as, say, Marilyn Manson laughed and added fifteen more orc counters to the game board (with Will Wheaton asking about what spells he can cast and Eddie Izzard yelling from the kitchen to see if anyone wanted a Mountain Dew).
The little game that grew has had its rough points, when it was hunted and demonized. There were times when it seemed to be fading. But we, gamers, never worried. It has spread, changed and endured. Great saves.
D&D has been a big part of my life, now that I think about it. My best friends and some of my best times have been involved with the game. Hee hee. Even romance! Ha! I have played in many parts of the world, and in strange places, with so many different types of people. Hell, I met the man. Gary Gygax.
Almost three decades of DMing.
Hundreds of games.
Thousands of Dice Rolls.
And a million smiles.
Yarrrrrrrrrrrr!

Pumpkin Nights and Candy Days

Evening of little Spooks and Wights.
All sneaking and tricking.
Treats, all there, making a show.
A celebration of New Times past.
Before the extra days.
Before our towers of fanatical
Science guarded Faith
Back when the magic
Was real
With Terrors and Dooms
Near by any tavern or tree.
I sleep to visit those dreams
Awake they show up in wonderment.
Anyone can believe, again.
Just by noticing the way the world has
Its spiked bits of eldritch sway.
Like something exciting beautiful
Which grinds down your doubt
Leaving only the happy surprise
Mixed with good old honest lust.
Magic in the dark.

Waiting to Fly

My brain is smoking.
I can hear the crackling.
The stars shine down again
On those streets and doorways
I see them.
Even when I close my eyes.
I want to be out a-wandering.
Carousing.
But it is time to think.
Time to stuff more shit
Into my head.
Freaking great.
I wonder if anyone ever
In their final moments
Wished that they had spent
Less time
Having
Fun.

Staples Girl

So fucking hot.
I’ll never touch her.
Never know her.
Never ever ever.
But that is ok.
She is just a person slightly interacted with.
A clerk at a store.
Not a chick in a bar,
Or a woman on the street.
Just a beautiful creature handing back change.
But, wow, so Fucking Hot.
And that is enough to make me think.
All the choices and paths.
If there are any, really.
Or just a play already scripted
And with the dancers dancing as told
The singers hitting the written notes
With smiles, as needed
For the Applause.
Time to get in character.

Run to Scream

I just love that picture.
It looks freeing. Releasing. Needed.
Finally the leash is off.
What do I do with My freedom?
Unlimited toppings.
Yeah. Really.
Like a pig, they all got on.
Sights on a common trek.
Scraggly folk crawl and creak.
They seem to have their own
Kinks.
Weird ones and hot ones out tonight.
That was just seeking a bite.
A little hung over.
From a simple fun.
Such a difference.
From Silly people and their silly games.
Speaking of games
Dice tomorrow.
Wish the Wop was here too.
Not just for checking for traps
And grappling Cat Fiends.
But to see him smile with his kids and his lady.
The others and I will keep the Dice ready!
New capital Hello.
The poor little seaside town trembles in mixed
Anticipation.

Get Down with your Bad Self

Even a name can get you.
Yeah. Like with Shivers and all.
Thoughts, not all memories.
Some just dreams dreamt before.
Others ignored hopes.
Discarded failed plans.
Paths taken only to end before the ride
Got good.
I was out for a bit on the weekend.
And I felt like I hadn’t been out in
Forever.
Strange things flock to you when you react.
Cloaked eyes begging for disrespect.
I am not kidding.
Lost times mingle with half awake notice.
Friends, newer and older.
Beauty, not to fill you with lust,
Rather, to remind you that it exists.
Again, the smiles. Mine too. Free.
Moments change wondering to knowing.
Curiosity to understanding.
Innocence to casual passing.
Now to Then.

Truth in Eyes

“Lay here, a Dream, and rest till the World forgets.”
Yup.
Happy little skipping thoughts.
More chances for new paths.
Peaceful laughter that mocks and calms
The frustrations of life.
Pitiful pettiness is hard to embrace.
Trust and caring might be faded.
But that sound in the background,
A sort of rumble in your bones.
Makes it clear to even chosen ignorance.
That something rounds the corner.
So every time I think I get the larger
Depiction.
The vision gets grander still.
There is Always More.

More.

I heard her.
Someone.
I don’t know who.
But, man, she was getting fucked.
And loving it.
Or at least moaning up a storm.
Maybe she was just a little girl
That thought that was how to act
As she takes the cock.
That almost makes it better.
Or worse, I mean.
Cause as I passed by and
Became caught by the moment
I wanted.
That is the only way to put it.
Honestly.
I have had some fun lately.
Some really needed, too.
But right then I felt ravenous.
For something.
For anything.
New. Bright. Passionate.
Even if an illusion.
Who the fuck cares?
All is façade and shadow.
That is what makes it all so easy to enjoy.
And forget for a while.
Until I heard her.

Hare today, goon tomorrow!

Little bunny foo-foo,
hopping through the forest
Scooping up the field mice,
and bopping them on the head.

Brutal!
Go get’em, Fufu-nator!
The lives and wisps of chance are dancing around.
Smirking giggle fueled little fuckers
Making me loose my hard worn scowl and smile.
The sun helps.
That heat fills you with freedom as the Jeep rolls on.
I started today with a Hug from someone I barely know.
But it was a nice hug. Hee Hee Hee.
Fairy Tales and Bedtime stories.
Different meanings to some.
Marathon Dice Attempts.
Once common place.
How does that happen?
Things we used to do without meaning to can become
Tasks.
Oh Well.
Boogie Time productions and Cool Sky.
These are the edges to the day.

Feel Free

Life’s not perfect.
Sometimes the Dice just don’t go right.
Even the Sure Things can leave you wanting.
But some things hit right.
Hit true.
Good timing from a call.
Slick tunes rolling in your mind.
A free thought, bright and vicious.
Boiling over.
A smile.
Sweet and energizing.
Bringing it all together.
Reminding that not everything that mattered
Needs to still.
That our wants don’t make the world.
Rather, our choices open the doors.
Be at ease, young world.
That big old Sun still has a lot of shining left to do.
Tears, blood, and doubt all still have to rain.
Only means that life is still clawing.

From Last Night

I drink. I feel it. The endless abandon.
Day to day, the worries, plans, thoughts and cares.
Drifting away.In their place, a calm. The myriad voices internal muted. Left over is the stage on which usually play the facets of Me. There now prance others. The unknown. The yet to see. Another sip. The poison working. Getting high of the neural toxins. Otherwise called booze. Sip by sip. Death. Clarity. Makes me wonder what we see when we forget. I am not endorsing intoxication. No. That is a waste. I am, however, experiencing it.

Mental Escrima for the Masses

“Let us grab the world by the throat and make it give us what we desire,”
-Valeria

Lots of thoughts have passed this way by.
Wandered again the lands once mine.
Now broken.
As if little thefts of pride,
Or courtesy
Have brought somewhat down
That which I had believed eternal.
Sadness and dismay touched me.
With them being new guests
I shuddered at their fresh scent
In following these gears, turning, to seek the impetus
I also wronged one who might have been dear
Add it to the heap of regrets and Shouldas.
Tall pile. Warning of collapse. Let it.
I have new visions now, guiding me to near
Fever.
Something new comes. Will I be ready?
No. But worthy? Maybe. Just maybe.
Even if this were not the set of events I would have wished.
This is the Now that is upon me.
I will make it thru, as I always do, by choice.
Thankfully knowing that those who have been there for me
In the past
Both far and the needed recent
Will be there still.
I must make sure that I do my part
In all deals and wagers.
Thanking those I owe
Showing me that there is more

And taking what I need.

Back To Basics

All things have their known and unknown.
It isn’t always the shadowy side that is the
Surprise.
Sometimes it is the things we know so well
That we have experienced again and again
That still finds the biggest shock
To take from us
While the unknown stays so

Slipping again into the shade.

A Day Early, Bro

For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
-Charles Bukowski

Ain't She Cute

What the Hell!?
A couple of buddies told me to go on different Internet sites for dating and such.
Ok.
Well, I am not really looking for anything, but the lure of the unknown drew me in.
So I have decided to go deep.
That, and in my searches, which I can assure you are nearly purely academic in nature,
I bumped into this other site, Second Life.
I read about it. It seemed horrible. Almost an anti-social to the real world, web world.
Then I made up an Avatar. It looks cool and named after Grimjack (sort of).
So now it is fun.
I have spent all of twenty minutes on it. I don’t know if I will do more but just making up the dude was fun.
Ok.
Back to the other thing.
Plenty of Fish.
I don’t think it is for me, but my friends say it is a blast.
So, like I said, I am going Deep.
All the horny, need sex types will be hearing from me.
All of them.
Just to see what happens.
Will I go out and jump into a bunch of beds?
Ha!
I really doubt that is an option!
I was talking to an Old Sort of Flame tonight. It was nice.
It is odd though that you can forget that someone has so much to them.
Rant over.
Rock on!

“The Nerd is Strong in this one.”

For all of those who have rolled initiative
Knowing they could never
Cleave through all the
Bad Guys.
Twenty Five years.
For the yells following that 20.
Hundreds of Hours.
For the late nights fueled by imagination.
Thousands of Rolls.
For the friends and the laughter.
Millions of Kobolds.
For the Dice.

Haze.

There is a strange and near ominous peace floating around.
Simple little glimpses tease the wonderment and dreams.
Tell you that there is something
Just out of sight.
Just out of reach.
Just on the other side of knowing.
The amazing feeling that there is
A precipice.
Yawning in its unavoidable
Unyielding
Fuck. Uncaring
Power.
Like seeing the dark shapes in the sea below you
Circling.
So beautiful.
So final.
Yet it is going to be such a powerfully new
Experience.
There is nothing to do but let it happen.
That is sort of what I am feeling.
I haven’t given up so much as
Became engrossed with the possibilities
Presented by Letting Go.

Sunday Song IX - When you Need

Blood keeps drinking away
Certain of its destination
Driving through New Orleans at night
Gotta find a destination
Just one fix
Life keeps slipping away
Fighting in a war with damnation
Poised, keep cutting away
I’m looking in through to salvation
Just one fix
Like if I boarded a train
Trying to take in another station
Join us and the choice will be made
Unless we kill the lie as a nation
Just one fix

More than Meets the Eye

I liked the Transformers. I also liked the new Die Hard.
It is good when the summer blockbusters are worth seeing.
Makes things good for a movie dude like me.
In other thoughts, I am sort of wondering what to do.
There are two options, and whichever one I pick,
I know that after
I will wish I picked the other one.
So, I am reasoning, that if I am going to
Regret
My choice, either way,
I might as well choose the one that combines that
Regret
With as much smiles and happy memories as possible.
But is it that simple?
Heck!How do people deal with REAL problems?!

300th Post. All those Ghosts.

The light rain is welcomed.
Cool air in the early eve.
Stranger thoughts I have had.
Rarely so persistent.
It is time.
Heal and build.
I knew it would be.
It had to be.

Eventually.

Bad

It is hard to find the right moment.
The right thing.
And the things that might be wrong
Spill out with silly wild emotional abandon.
Will I escape?
Again?
I hope so.
More that even I know.

Sunday Song VIII

My name is Joe Roberts I work for the State
I'm a sergeant out on Perenville barracks No 8
I've always done an honest job honest as I could
Got a brother named Frankie Frankie ain't no good
Ever since we were young kids it's been the same come down
I'd get a call on a short way Frankie's in trouble downtown
But if it was any other man I'd put him straight away
But sometimes when it's your brother you look the other way
Yeah me and Frankie laughin' and drinkin' nothin' feels better than blood on blood
Takin' turns dancin' with Maria
While the band played The Night Of The Johnstown Flood
I catch him when he's strayin' like any brother should
Man turns his back on his family he ain't no good
Well Frankie went into the army back in 1965
I got a farm deferment settled down took Maria for my wife
But them wheat prices kept on droppin' till it was like we's gettin' robbed
Frankie came home in '68 and me I took this job
Yeah me and Frankie laughin' and drinkin' nothin' feels better than blood on blood
Takin' turns dancin' with Maria
While the band played The Night Of The Johnstown Flood
I catch him when he's strayin' teach him how to walk that line
Man turns his back on his family ain't no friend of mine
The night was like any other I got a call bout the quarter of nine
There was trouble at a roadhouse out on the Michigan line
There was a kid on the floor lookin' bad bleedin' hard from his head
There was a girl cryin' at a table it was Frankie she said
I ran out and I jumped in my car then I hit the lights
I must have done about a hundred and ten to Michigan County that night
It was down by the crossroads out bout willow bank
Seen the buick with Ohio plates behind the wheel was Frank
Well I chased him through them county roads
Till the sign said Canadian border five miles from here
Pulled over to the south out the highway watched his taillights disappeared
Yeah me and Frankie laughin' and drinkin' nothin' feels better than blood on blood
Takin' turns dancin' with Maria
While the band played The Night Of The Johnstown Flood
I catch him when he's strayin' like any brother should
Man turns his back on his family ain't no good

To all the Dads!

“My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”

Lay Back and Tell the Tale

Dust between the edges.
Simple traveling stories bring
Voice to the flames at the Crossroads.
Stumped and tied with dozens
Of chances weighing you down.
Frozen bits of dripping fear,
Soon to be yelled at by sobbing droogs
Regretful flies buzzing around
Broken forms of the hesitant.
With the ending plain to see
In the Ink,
Under the soft, slicey, Oh-So-Thin
Skin.

Bright

I feel at peace.
Like I am floating in a cool river.
Nice.
Had a blast at the cottage with the crew.
Our fearless leader brought his jet ski.
A new one for me.
I know. I know.
So secluded.
Well, that happens sometimes
When you spend so much time
In your head.
I wonder what other things I should
Seek out.
Discover the things others take for granted.
I wonder what this peaceful daze
Is leading towards.
Dreams half awake.