Fear has always been a part of life. For most of us, it comes and goes. I have some personal interaction with it. When I was younger, I used to be afraid all the time. Not of anything specific, but just a general background fear. And this fear didn’t really have that much affect on my day to day activities. It is like someone born with, say, only one hand. They adapt, move on and can live normally in the big old world around them. Thinking back it was like my background fear was just higher than most of those I interacted with. Like having a faster pulse rate or something. So, as I said I was able to function fine, basically unaware that I was with this fear because I didn’t know of anything different. But as I grew I could see the difference.
Jumping ahead to the now, things are so changed. The alteration might have been gradual, but again it is something that I failed to notice. It reminds me of that sad, broken hearted feeling you can have when your lover and you part. Your world is crushed. You’ll never love again. Blah blah blah. You spend nights near the phone hoping that she’ll call and days trying to figure out how to win her back. Then one day you wake up and wonder if there are any Clint Eastwood movies on the TV. Not only did you not notice the feelings change, you didn’t even get to revel in the fact that they did. Life just sort of moved on. This is the same thing with this fear. It is gone. I don’t really remember when it left. I know it was a while ago. In its place is contentment. Faith? Not so much that everything is going to be ok, as I often say, but more that even if things go to shit, that I will still be ok. Even if I fail or loose or falter. Or fear.
I had to go through the past to make the present me as I am. Like everyone does. The good, strong and loyal people I have had in my life helped guide me. I learned from their courage. I just hope they felt the better for the exchange also. You know that old saying of Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself? It ranks right up there, as truisms go.
