Visions Fade

What’s to tell? You want. You care. You actually give a shit. But the emptiness is there. Always waiting. So fucking smug and sure of itself. Like it already knows how things are going to go. To End.
I really want to believe. To love and feel all the time. It is difficult. But I guess that is real life. It can’t be roses and nipples al the time, right? But why not?
Maybe I am just tired. Maybe I need more that I am capable of seeing. It is just that when it is good it is so fucking good that when it is just all right it actually feels like shit. From so high, one can fall hard.
Is it enough to care and be excited? What about interaction? What about mental stimulation, common courtesy, politeness, attentiveness? What about being alive together?
It isn’t just movies, dinners and lust. It can’t be. Can it? Am I stupid? Am I greedy? Do I even know what the fuck I am rambling about?
The truth is that, No, I do not. But I am striving to find out.
I will not meekly trail off. I want to see if I can bring about that special feeling. Again. All the time. Now.
The bottom line is that I am challenged to feel anything often. And even though my days and nights have strong highs and lows emotionally, I feel, and that might be just enough to see me through.
Hey. Fuck it. I was never big on the whole worrying thing.
And what a little frustration other than fuel for passion?